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Home Tips > Tips By Category > Tips you can implement daily Children can be a great source of joy and hope for all families. It can be difficult for your relatives to understand if you have chosen not to have any - there can be many reasons, both simple and complex that you have made your decision. Keeping compassion for your family while standing by your choice can be tough, but hopefully these suggestions will help.
Remember that your family loves you. Though the endless questions and coaxing can be wearing after awhile, the reason they badger you is really that they love and want the best for you; keeping this foremost in your mind as you answer for the thousandth time can help keep you sane.
Be firm. If you don't want to continue answering for the next 25 years, you must stand firm to your choice. If you are married, tell your spouse to take the same kind but firm position as yours (get your story straight and stick to it). Being squishy and avoiding a direct answer will only give your relatives hope that you will recant one day. Say something very firm and direct, like, "I know you may not agree or understand, but we've made the decision not to have any children just now; we may make a different choice in the future, but for now, we aren't planning any. We'll let everyone know if we ever change our minds."
Give them a reason only if you wish to. Whether you are gay, sterile, or just not interested, the reasons for your decision are your own. You should feel compelled to explain only if you are comfortable and wish to divulge this information to your friends and family. If you don't want to tell them, don't. You don't need to justify your decision to anyone.
Let them grieve if they feel so inclined. Maybe you're the last son, and therefore the family's last hope to carry the family name forward to a new generation. If you have no children, your family line will end with you. This is a lot of pressure for you, and a lot of lost dreams for your family should you choose not to have any children. Allow your family to grieve for their loss - you're not the only member of your family, and you must allow them their authentic sorrow, as your decision does affect them. You are entitled to live as you see fit, however, and the fact that they will be sad should not make you feel that you should become a parent if that is not the calling of your heart for your life.
Remind them that having children must be a unanimous decision. In other words, if any person involved with that child does not want him or her, then that person wins. No child should be brought into a home that does not welcome, want and cherish him or her.
Give careful and honest consideration to their suggestions. If you are dead set against having children, and you are the last surviving son in your family, unless your family has a history of congenital disease or insanity, or you come from a line of serial killers, it wouldn't hurt you to hear them out if they come to you with suggestions for compromise. There may be a family suggestion as to how to carry on the family's name (you can always suggest that your sister allow her children to carry your last name instead of her husband's, for example). At least give them a hearing, and consider their suggestions - it will go a long way toward them feeling less hurt and also let them feel that they had their say in the matter. Just remember that it's your life, not theirs, and they won't have the responsibility of any progeny of yours - you will.
Be direct without getting hostile or snapping at them.
Being firm early on, and then letting it be known that you really don't wish to discuss it further will make it less likely that they will pester you at every family gathering.
If all else fails, make an announcement at a holiday dinner: "I know you're all wondering why we aren't pregnant yet. Or why we don't adopt. Or whatever. We want you to know that we love you all, but having children is a very personal decision for a couple, and we have decided against it, at least for now. Every time you ask us about it, it really pressures us, and we're asking that you don't any more. Please." After all, if they can't take a hint, then you shouldn't worry about them getting a little miffed by your taking matters into your own hands.
Notice that the examples given all include "For now" or "for the time being" in them. This works a lot better than just saying flatly, "it's never going to happen, give it up." If you say "for now", it gives them the impression that you haven't completely made up your mind forever, and it will mollify them somewhat. If you state it in very final terms, unless you wish to say something like "I've had a vasectomy, that's the end of it" there will very likely be a lot of hysteria you will have to deal with. Avoiding that is a good thing.
Source: wikihow.com
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