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Home Tips > Tips By Category > Tips you can implement daily So here are my top tips for coping with workplace jerks that you can't escape (at least for now):
Start with polite confrontation.
Some people really don't mean to be jerks. They might be surprised if you gently let them know that they are leaving you feeling belittled and demeaned. Other jerks are demeaning on purpose, but may stop if you stand-up to them in a civil, but, firm manner.
If a bully keeps spewing venom at you, limit your contact with the creep as much as possible.
Try to avoid any meetings you can with the jerk.
Do telephone meetings if possible.
Keep conversations as short as possible.
Be polite but don't provide a lot of personal information during meetings of any kind, including email exchanges.
If the creep says or writes something nasty, try to avoid snapping back; it can fuel a vicious circle of jerk poisoning.
Don’t sit down during meetings if you can avoid it.
Recent research suggests that stand-up meetings are just as effective sit-down meetings, but are shorter; so try to meet places without chairs and avoid sitting down during meetings with jerks whenever possible it limits your exposure to their abuse.
Find ways to enjoy "small wins" over jerks.
If you can't reform or expel the bully, find small ways to gain control and to fight back it will make you feel powerful and just might convince the bully to leave you and others alone.
Practice indifference and emotional detachment learn how not to let a jerk touch your soul.
Management gurus and executives are constantly ranting about the importance of commitment, passion and giving all you have to a job. That is good advice when your bosses and peers treat you with dignity. But if you work with people who treat you like dirt, they have not earned your passion and commitment.
- Practice going through the motions without really caring.
- Don't let their vicious words and deeds touch your soul: Learn to be comfortably numb until the day comes when you find a workplace that deserves your passion and full commitment.
Keep a jerk diary ” carefully document what the jerk does and when it happens.
Carefully document what the jerk does and when it happens. A government employee wrote me a detailed email about how she used a diary to get rid of a nasty, racist co-worker:
'I documented the many harmful things she did with dates and times.....basically I kept a Jerk Diary. I encouraged her other victims to do so too and these written and signed statements were presented to our supervisor. Our supervisors knew this worker was an jerk but didn't really seem to be doing anything to stop her harmful behaviors until they received these statements. The jerk went on a mysterious leave that no supervisor was permitted to discuss and she never returned.
Similarly, a salesman wrote me that he has been the top performer in his group until he got leukemia, but his performance slowed during chemotherapy. His supervisor called him every day to yell at him about how incompetent he was and then doubled the sick salesperson's quota. The salesman eventually quit and found a better workplace, but apparently because he documented the abuse, his boss was demoted.
Actions that workplace jerks use:
- Personal insults
- Invading one's personal territory
- Uninvited personal contact
- Threats and intimidation, both verbal and non-verbal
- Sarcastic jokes and teasing used as insult-delivery systems
- Withering e-mail flames
- Status slaps intended to humiliate their victims
- Public shaming or status-degradation rituals
- Rude interruptions
- Two-faced attacks
- Dirty looks
- Treating people as if they are invisible.
by Robert I. Sutton, Professor, Stanford University
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